Ukuba umntwana akaphenduli, oyisayikholojisti bacetyiswa ukuba bazinikele endaweni yakhe

Maxa wambi, yonke unina waphawula ukuba umntwana wakhe ndageza. "Akwenzayo yonke indlela ngeenxa, ngokungathi ukulaya" - Sisoloko sisiva kubazali abatsha. Xa kuziwa iintsana nabantwana, ngoko yonke into icacile, baye ukuqonda kangako yaye nje uzama ukuqonda ihlabathi. Kodwa kuthekani ukuba ntoni xa abantwana abadala baqala ukuba baziphathe ngokuchasene umntu omdala?

Ingakumbi nzima ngokuphathelele oku kwiminyaka engama-2 ukuya ku-4. Eli xesha luphawulwa athi loqhankqalazo: umntwana iminyaka 4 akaphulaphuli, akafuni ukuba ukulandela kwimigqaliselo yabazali, yena uqengqa 'umntwana' yakhe, wagibisela zokudlala izinto, evakalisa ukunganeliseki kunye izithintelo. Ngelishwa, eli nqanaba lophuhliso umntwana ukuthintelwa, kodwa kusenokwenzeka ukuba ukulindela ukulolonga ngaphandle.

Ukwenzela ukwakha ikhondo elifanelekileyo inyathelo, ukuba umntwana akaphenduli, kufuneka ukuqonda izizathu ngenxa yokungathobeli kwakhe. Zengqondo ezi zizathu zilandelayo ngenxa yokungathobeli abantwana:

1) ukungabi ingqalelo. Sazi Kukangaphi ukufumana izinto ezibaluleke ngakumbi ukwenza kunokuba uxoxe kunye nomntwana, kodwa ngenxa yokuba kubo, intsebenziswano kunye nathi ubunzima yabo negolide. Ngamanye amaxesha kubonakala ukuba umntwana ngokwakhe kakhulu nje asanelanga, yaye nje ufuna ukutsala ingqalelo ngokwabo ngale ndlela. Yiba ingqalelo abantwana, yaye akukho mfuneko yokuba enze izinto ezingenangqondo;

2) ukuzama zizandlala. Yintoni abazali kunye namanye oneminyaka engama-20 ubudala kusekho abantwana sithi. Yaye eneneni, usana kakhulu ngokukhawuleza uqala ukuqonda ukuba kwenzeka ntoni, yaye xa wayeneminyaka engama-kwiminyaka emithathu ezama babange amalungelo abo kunye namathuba. ibinzana enjalo abantwana ezaziwayo-kakuhle kaThixo "Mna" uthetha ukuba ngokwayo. Kwaye nezixholoxholo kwesi sigaba uthetha kuphela malunga nomnqweno yokuzilungiselela. Musa ukunciphisa inkululeko umntwana, mnike ithuba lokuba ukuzama isandla sabo kwiindawo ezahlukeneyo, ngoko uya kukuphepha 'egusheni "ayiyomfuneko kwaye ngaphandle kwakhona ukunika amandla okuqhubela phambili kuphuhliso umntwana;

3) umnqweno ukuziphindezela. Le unobangela lokungathobeli umntwana kwenzeka alufane, kodwa usenalo indawo ukuba. Thina, ngamanye amaxesha, ngaphandle kwaye iqaphela, agila umntwana ngengozi - bezikhulule ucweyo lwakhe okanye ngokungenabulungisa kubohlwaya. Bona kakuhle kwaye bazame "ukohlwaya" us kunye nokuziphatha kwabo, ngoko uvakalelwa ngendlela efanayo. Mhlawumbi usileyo, kodwa mhlawumbi abadala asikwazi ukwenza oko ebomini bakho?

Abaninzi, xa umntwana akabi baphulaphule abazali babo, baqale ukwenza kwenye yezi meko zilandelayo: 1) uzama 'ukwaphula "nomntwana ukunyanzelisa ukuthanda kwakhe; 2) afune ukuqikelela ukuziphatha womntwana kwaye ukuthatha unonophelo ngawo onke; 3) Ungavumeli izinto uthathe indawo yawo. Ngokuqinisekileyo, bonke abazali bafuna okulungileyo kuphela abantwana babo, yaye maxa wambi nje ke andazi ukuba njani.

Ukuba umntwana akaphenduli, iisayikholojisti Siyaleza athathe la manyathelo alandelayo:

1. Ukuba unayo into ukuthintela umntwana, koko ungqinelane izenzo zayo. Namhlanje asikwazi kuvumela ukwenza into ethile, yaye nokuthintela ngomso. Imingcele musa ukuba ixhomekeke isimo sakho. Abazali kufuneka kumanyana ukuvalwa.
2. Ukuba ugqiba ukuba ukohlwaya umntwana, badlule ekupheleni. Musa ukundilahla amagama umoya. Akukho mfuneko yokuba babhenele isohlwayo phambi kweminyaka emithathu, oko akayi kuwucima.
3. Ukuba umntwana akaphulaphuli, cinga endaweni yakhe. Zama ukuqonda iimvakalelo neminqweno yakhe kwimeko sona, kwaye wenze isigqibo esifanelekileyo.
4. Xa kufikwa yokungathobeli usana, ngubani na abukhali ukuthatha kwibhodi okanye ningawachukumisi inja, kufuneka ezinokuphazamisa nje, ukutshintshela ingqalelo yakhe kwisifundo umdla ngakumbi.
5. Musa ukucela umntwana wakho kakhulu, musa vala anything kwaye yonke into kulo mzekelo, lo mgaqo usebenza "iziqhamo Akuvumelekanga imnandi." Ngoko ke, nina musani ukubacaphukisa kuphela omnye ukungathobeli, kuba phantse zonke inyathelo uwela phantsi kudidi salelweyo.

Noko ke, ukuba umntwana akaphulaphuli, ukucinga, Ngaba ngokwenene oko kubi njengoko kubonakala. Sifuna ukuqhuba abantwana-sikhokelo umkholise ukuziphatha kwethu, ukuba ukunyanzelisa ukuthanda zethu phezu kwabo ukunciphisa umsebenzi wabo. Lo mnqweno siya kuthintela uphuhliso lwabo, ukuzihlutha abona ithuba 'ukuzama ubomi linjani "ngokwalo ukuqonda isizathu sokuba kubalulekile ukuba baziphathe ngendlela yaye hayi ngenye indlela. Ngoko ngaphambi kokuba uxelele umntwana wakho kwenye "hayi", ucinga: "Ngaba sancedakala phofu?".