Ukungcatshwa indoda yakhe, nokuba ukuxolela, ukuze usinde njani? icebiso yezo

Nokungcatshwa ozithandayo - buhlungu kuye nawuphi na umfazi. Kweli hlabathi yesibini butshintsha ngokupheleleyo kwaye bazaliswa ngesithambiso esimnyama. Umfazi intloko iquka uluhlu olutsha iimvakalelo: intlungu, umsindo, ingqumbo, ukuphoxeka. Kule meko, ngokulula "ngokwaphula eninzi zokubasa," waza wenza impazamo obulalayo. Kodwa ayeke, ulungise iindlela zakho kunye uze ubone ukuba ungakwazi ukuxolela ewolo?

"A Sound beNdudumo!"

Wonke umfazi uyazi malunga ukukrexeza umyeni wakhe ngendlela yabo. elide Abanye abantu baye ukusola abathembekileyo zonke izono yaye ekugqibeleni wafumana ubungqina obupheleleyo lokungcatsha. Okunye Fumana zonke ngenxa yokuhlangana SMS random, nangenxa yelizwi yesithathu ewolo uba engalindelekanga ngokupheleleyo. Nakowuphi na umzekelo, oku kuqonda - a xi enkulu abasetyhini ukumelana nayo akusoloko kusenzeka.

Post-traumatic ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo

On kwisikali loxinzelelo Holmes kunye Ray ukukopela kuyalingana ukufa kweqabane. Kuyinto ezi mvakalelo bahlule abafazi ndzi mita. Phambi kokuba ubuyisela ukukwazi ukucinga kakuhle size senze izigqibo ezingcono, kufuneka uye kwizigaba ezintlanu yamkelwe le meko:

1. Umothuko. Kweli nqanaba, kubonakala umfazi ukuze abe ukuba konke oko kwenzekileyo kuyo kuyo, Nantso fiction ezitenxileyo umntu kaThixo, yaye ubungqina ngqo sokungathembeki akakwazi ukwenza ukuba bakholelwa lokungcatsha umyeni wakhe.
2. Ukusingatha. Kweli nqanaba, abafazi kwenza iimpazamo ezininzi. Baqalisa ukwenza ezininzi izenzo ezingquzulanayo ngethemba ukuba zizibuyisele zonke "njengokuba kwakunjalo ngaphambili."
3. Ndlongo. Umsindo okubangelwa lokungcatsha nomyeni wakhe, kufuneka ekugqibeleni babe imveliso yawo. Kweli nqanaba, qala kumanyundululu nengxolo besaphula izitya nezityholo nokuxabisana. Yaba ngeli thuba umfazi tlhela zonke izenzo zakhe wathi: "Wena zandikhohlisa kwaye buhlungu mna!".
4. Ungakhathazeki. Eli nqanaba luphawulwa iinkumbulo elide yaye ibuhlungu elidlulileyo onoyolo, phambi kokufika imbangi. Woman uba egalelwe ixesha elide ngokutsha iifoto yaye likwavakalelwa ngumba amabali nabahlobo malunga ulonwabo lwabo lomtshato.
5. Reconciliation. Umfazi wayeka ukuya meko, yaye ekuqaleni ukuya iingcinga yokuqala malunga nokuba ukuxolela ukungcatshwa yendoda yakhe. Uqala bahlaziye iingenelo neengozi, uzama ngandlela ithile ukucwangcisa ikamva labo. Kuyinto ngeli nqanaba kunokwenzeka ukuba ziqalise iingxoxo kunye nomyeni wakhe uzame ukwakha ubomi kunye.

na ukuphazamiseka kwengqondo post-traumatic elide kangakanani?

iisayikholojisti Professional bayacetyiswa ukuba benze izigqibo ezinkulu, de zonke izigaba ezintlanu. Wonke umfazi zihlala ixesha ezahlukeneyo ixesha. Kuxhomekeke ubudala, imfundo kunye nobume ekuhlaleni ziintombi. Kwi-avareji, indlela ukusuka 'ukothuka' ukuya 'uxolelwaniso' kuthatha iinyanga ezintathu, kungcono ngokugqibeleleyo wachitha kude indoda ongathembekanga. ingxabano ezingeyomfuneko yaye enyundululu ziya mandundu kuphela kwaye ngoko imeko elula. Akukho mfuneko ukuya iinguqu ezinkulu ebomini, sikhokelwa iimvakalelo kunye nezikhalazo.

Uthando ewolo: ukubonakala ukuba yeyentombazana

Nangokwengqondo, umfazi kunzima kakhulu ukuqonda unobangela ukungathembeki, yaye singena kungena enzonzobileni umphefumlo-ekufuneni ngumtyholwa. Kule nkqubo, oko kwenza ezininzi iimpazamo, leyo kwamchaphazela kabuhlungu ukuzithemba kunye nobomi elizayo. Ngoko ke, yintoni eyenzekayo kumfazi oyaziyo malunga ukungcatshwa yindoda yakhe;

1. Umfazi mandla kuyaphela iliso ubuncinane omnye ukubona welinye icala. Ukuze wenze oku kufanele yini na phantsi azisebenzisele. Yiba nomfanekiso nowethu uya mandundu kuphela imeko uxinezeleko kunye lithemba, antywiliselwe apho umfazi belahlekiswa. Cinga ngalo, ukuba iqela liya kuba omnci, sihle futhi ngempumelelo ngakumbi, ngesibetho yakho ukuzithemba yintoni unobangela? Iingcali zengqondo zithi umfanekiso eyimbangi phantse eyayikrolwe kwi ezingqondweni mfazi, uqala ku hlakulela neengxaki (ecacileyo okanye ngengqondo), ebangela self wazohlwaya ngenxa ngumlingane kunye nabahlobo. Uya kufuneka iinyanga ezininzi yomsebenzi ngenyameko phezu ngokwakho ukuba niphume kule meko. Kungenzeka, kuya kufuneka uncedo umhlaziyi yobungcali.
2. Woman icala naye konke okwenzekileyo. Amaninzi, ukusabela okunjalo kwenzeka kwabasetyhini kunye umbingelelo yengqondo. umfazi wakhohlisa efuna ukulungisa le meko kwaye babe amaxesha amaninzi ngaphezu okhuphisanayo. It extinguishes umsindo kwi mbandela, kwaye enza umsebenzi kamama, nenkosikazi nomthandi, ebakhuthaza phantse kwimfezeko. Ngelishwa, le ndlela ayikwazi ukunceda umfazi asinde ukungcatshwa indoda yakhe, yaye emva kwethutyana kufikwa iqonga bundlobongela. Kwiimeko ezinzima, kwezithandani ngumsindo kungakhokelela abafazi bayakhohliswa kwikliniki ye neurosis, ukuvela kwezinye izifo zengqondo ukumqumbisa ngokufuthi, ezifana nezilonda kunye nomhlaza.
3. Kakhulu umntu ngokweemvakalelo yonke intlungu yakhe atshize phandle umntu. Andiboni kuphela umsunguli ewolo yenzekile kwaye akukhumbuze kakhulu, ngoko kwenzekayo. Ngelishwa, umfazi angabi nako ukucinga esisiso ezinjalo, kunye nokuziphatha kwakhe utyhala indoda yakhe. Emva kwethuba, xa iimvakalelo kuthotha, lo mfazi siqonde ukuba usapho sele yalahleka yaye le ndoda yenza isigqibo sokugqibela xa umdlali welinye icala.

Kufuneka kuqatshelwe ukuba nawuphi na umfazi kubangelwa ukungcatshwa umyeni wakhe - lilinge eqhelekileyo kunye zendalo ukuze sisinde meko. Eyona nto ibalulekileyo kukuba umfazi ukuba ngokwakhe ndiwulahle lo neemvakalelo ezingakhiyo nentloko ziingcathu beza yokusombulula le ngxaki. Ukuba kwisithuba seenyanga ezintandathu ayikwazi, ukumelana neemvakalelo zabo ukungcatshwa yendoda yakhe ziyalandeleka umsindo wakhe lawuleki, kuyimfuneko ukubona specialist, aya kuza nenqanaba 'uxolelwaniso' kunye ityala lokungcatsha.

Kwakutheni ukuze sitshintshe?

A indima enkulu ekusombululeni ingxaki ewolo kudlale ukuqonda ngokucacileyo indlela sokungathembeki eyindoda. Kuba umfazi, uthando ewolo - kuba izinto ezingahambelaniyo ngokupheleleyo. Umfazi onothando uya kusoloko uthembekile umntu wam, uyithabathe wonke amaphutha. psyche Okwamadoda elungiswe ngendlela eyahlukileyo, kunye nonobangela sokungathembeki bakhonza ezinye izinto.

• ukungafunwa syndrome. Amaxesha amaninzi, abantu bafumana obubonakala ebuntwaneni yokuqala ukungathandi koomama. Mother benganeliseki rhoqo nonyana wakhe, ayihlawuli ingqalelo kuye, oku kushiya elinye elide. Kuba ukuziphatha okunjalo iphawulwa uhlobo 'ujingi "- namhlanje efana unyana, nabo bonke ke lavunyelwa, kunye dudula, yaye ngomso ndisalise omnye. Loo uthando lukamama inempembelelo enkulu psyche umntwana. Ukukhulela kwiimeko ezinjalo, umntu uya phantse ngokuqinisekileyo ukutshintsha umfazi wakhe. Yena ngokukhawuleza aba waphoxwa wesini enobulungisa, yaye emva ukusingatha uthando lokuqala uya nangoko kufuna uthando olutsha. Ukuba ngalo mzuzu uthando umntu angazeki mfazi oyithandayo, ngoko kunokwenzeka, kuya kuqalisa ukuyitshintsha kwiinyanga ezimbini okanye ezintathu.
• Ziyalawuleka "daffodil." Amadoda ngokwengqondo make-up ngaphezu kwabanye lula ngenxa yokungathembeki. "Narcissus" Uyakuva kuphela iimvakalelo zabo, iminqweno neemfuno. Yena akanako ukuncama izilangazelelo zabo iqabane. La madoda-ethe kakhulu ngeminqweno kwintetho yakhe yaye phantse nikulungele ukubonisa nokusebenza kwabo njengendoda. Kulo mzekelo umfazi alubonwanga "daffodil" muzhchinoy- njengomntu ozimeleyo, unamalungelo athile emtshatweni.
• nengxaki yokukhula. Amaninzi, ukungcatshwa indoda yakhe, ngubani na engu eliphakathi kwaye wavakalelwa nokuqala le ntlekele, kuba khona. Le ndoda yathi encinane uphumelele ebomini bakhe, icala, oye wachitha ubomi bakhe bonke ukufikelela kwimpilo-ntle yentsapho, babengazi eyakhe amaphupha neminqweno yabo. Amaninzi, iqabane uba netyala kule kungaqatshelwanga. Abantu bacinga ukuba omnye umfazi wayeza kwenza ubomi bakhe bala ngakumbi umdla.
• umahluko Ukuqhubeka. Unobangela uqhelekileyo ukukrexeza eyindoda - kwentaba kumahluko ofunyanisiweyo kunye ephikisanayo. Oku kwenzeka kakhulu rhoqo xa ebomini iqabane kwaye baye bakwazi ukucombulula ezinye iingxaki zakhe, ngoyaba okanye kuqwalaselwa kakhulu. Ngaxa lithile, le "ithumba" ivulwe kwaye umntu alufumanayo owamfundisayo Iingalo umlingane okanye umhlobo nje.

Emva kokuhlalutya meko, ngenxa apho umntu wamngcatshayo yakhe, umfazi angaya phezulu uphendlo ngaphandle kwale impi kabuhlungu. Amaninzi, kuphela ngeendlela ezimbini:

• nokwamkelwa meko kunye nokuqhubekeka ubomi ezidityanelweyo (ukuba umntu litshintsha ngenxa yohlobo, ngoko ilungiswe ukuphinda le meko, kodwa ukungcatshwa yesazisi, kungabangela iingxaki entsatsheni, mhlawumbi, aya kuphinda yenzeke);
• Amalungiselelo kumaxwebhu mtshato.

Enoba unobangela uMbuso, phambi wathi, "Nina ndingcatshe mna!" uthabathe isigqibo sibi, kufuneka siqwalasele ingxaki evela kumacala eziliqela.

Iindaba le ukuvukela

Ngaphambi kokuba uthathe umtshato, kuyimfuneko ukuba ukuhlalutya indlela iindaba Kwathi notshintsho entsatsheni. Kakade ke, ukuqala azihlole kuyimfuneko, emva kokuba uthuli luhlala zonke iimvakalelo, kwaye umfazi kuphela xa akusondela ukuba yenze isigqibo. Zininzi iindlela ukufunda ngalo mbandela, kodwa ababini kubo kubonisa ngokucacileyo ukuba umntu akafuni ukuba bonakalise usapho uzaphule neentlobano zokwazana nomfazi wakhe;

1. ubungqina ngabom ubukhazikhazi umbuso. Kwezinye iimeko abantu ngabom benze nantoni ukubanjwa isiqingatha sayo sesibini. Bashiya ukuvula iphepha kwi social networks, ibekwe kwindawo esemboniselweni ifowuni kunye imbalelwano obusondeleyo okanye ujonge ngaphandle evenkileni. Zonke ezi zenzo ijoliswe into enye kuphela - ukubonisa umfazi wakhe ukuba ungenelelo yakhe engxamisekileyo iyafuneka kwaye utshintsho entsatsheni.
2. Incoko kunye okhuphisanayo. abafazi abaninzi bayazi malunga bazohlala ye oyimbangi kakhulu ungowokubongwa. Yena ungafowunela okanye ukuza kwintlanganiso uxelele iinkcukacha kuthandana kwabo ovuthuzayo. Akukho mfuneko ukubonisa iimvakalelo zabo nangoko uzaphule neentlobano kunye nomyeni wakhe. Amaninzi, ibe phezu basabela yaye linethemba angi. Njengoko yokusebenza ibonisa, lo mthetho ngayo pushes sebenzile engenaziqhamo njengesixeko esithatha ngakwicala umthandi. Le ndoda iyala ukuba ashiye usapho kwaye baqhubeke ubudlelwane kunye nomfazi wakhe, ngoko ke isigqibo ukuba uvule amehlo ngobuqhophololo iba kuphela indlela bandiqumbise umfazi wakhe ukuba umtshato iqabane ongathembekanga.

Ukuba ufundile malunga notshintsho nayiphi na kwezi ndlela, ngoko kufuneka zonke ithuba ukugcina umtshato lakho lonke kwakhona ukuqala.

Ukulungiselela i ingxoxo ebalulekile

Incoko kunye nomyeni engalunganga inyanzelisa kubafazi ezona yoqeqesho kwaye ligxininisa luvo. Khumbula ukuba ngexesha okuxoxa kuvela ezinye "imigibe", ekufuneka ukuba ulungiselwe:

• akusoloko ukungcatshwa umyeni wakhe - ewolo (amadoda amaninzi musa cinga ukukrexeza ngokwasemzimbeni isizathu esivakalayo ukutshabalalisa usapho);
• ukuphika ityala lakhe (rhoqo ngethuku lemvelo amadoda shift uxanduva into eyenzekayo malunga emagxeni lomfazi wakhe kwinkosikazi);
• Ukuyekwa intetho kakhulu 'intliziyo entliziyweni ".

Khumbula ukuba yegadi neemvakalelo ezingakhiyo kuya kuba yingozi ukunxibelelana nomyeni wakhe zama kuphela ukuvakalisa izikhalazo zabo, kodwa kananjalo ukuva ingcaciso yakhe. Musa ukuzama ukudlala indima, ayiyi kukhokelela nemiphumo emihle. Thetha yokwaphuka kwakho, intlungu, ukuphoxeka, kodwa ukwenze oko ngokuzolileyo distantly kangangoko kunokwenzeka. Musa ukoyika ukubuza imibuzo kunye nomyeni wakhe ukuva iimpendulo. Mhlawumbi ingxoxo iza kucacisa ezininzi iingongoma kusapho lwakho, nina nkqu qaphela ngaphambili. Kuyenzeka, incoko ukunyaniseka ezivulekileyo kufuneka akuxelele indlela yokuphila emva kokubekwa umyeni wakhe.

Qala ngaphandle kwe ntlekele

Ukuba intetho 'intliziyo entliziyweni "wathabatha ndawo uze ugqibe ukugcina ubudlelwane yakho, ngoko ke ulungele umsebenzi elide kunye ezinzima. Okokuqala ukuphulaphula iimvakalelo zakho. Yintoni oyithandayo? Njani na ofuna ukwakha ubomi bakho? Yintoni ekufuneka ukuba ukutshintsha? Indlela ukulibala ukungcatshwa nomyeni wakhe nabo bonke ngokutsha ukuqalisa? Kungenzeka, iimpendulo zale mibuzo ifumaneka kwangoko. Kwaye, kholwa ndim, akwenzeki ukuba wedwa. Kufuneka ukuba ukunxibelelana nomyeni wakhe, nokuveza zonke iimvakalelo neminqweno yabo. Imitshato emininzi iyaqhubeka ngempumelelo kweli nqanaba, sibonile ukuba ndingazanga ndibonakale kufutshane omnye komnye, emva kokuba ewolo. Kuba inkoliso yabo imbonakalo senkosikazi yaba nesizathu sokuba utshintsho kakhulu kwaye entle kubomi bentsapho.

Indlela balahle eyimbangi?

Ngokuqhelekileyo, emva zokwamkelwa meko kwaye isigqibo ukugcina umfazi elindele usapho, ukuba imeko isigqibo imbangi ngokwayo. Kodwa ke, ngelishwa, razluchnitsa akuthethi shwaka, yaye umfazi ingena kwithuba elilkunyeelayo lokuba aweve izikhalazo. abafazi abaninzi mandikhethe kunye yonke imihla wamkhumbuza umyeni wakhe ungunyana wabanumzana yakhe ityala lakhe phambi intsapho yakhe. Le meko ozisa isibini ukuba ingasetyenziswa kwithuba elilkunyeelayo lokuba impixano, nto leyo ngokufuthi ekhokelela ukuba amaqabane okugqibela. Indlela baziphathe kule meko? Indlela ukuthemba indoda yakhe emva ewolo? Indlela ukuqinisekisa ukuba iqela uye wanyamalala ngonaphakade ebomini bakho? Wawenza indlela yendoda yakhe, mhlawumbi iza thelekisa abafazi ababini ukwenza isigqibo sokugqibela. Akukho mfuneko ukugqibelela kunye nokoyika elinde ukuba usuku olutsha. Thatha nokuzikhathalela wena uze uyeke ukukhathalela ukukrexeza umyeni wakhe. Ibhinqa rhoqo ngaphandle endlwini, ukwenza imbonakalo yabo amagqabi ixesha simahla nawuphi na umsebenzi wophuhliso ubuntu bakhe usoloko yenza umdla ebantwini. Zive ukhululekile ukuba ashiye umyeni nabantwana bam uze umcele ukuba bachithe ixesha kunye nabo. Ixesha ngaphezulu umntu wakho uya usapho lwakhe, ezimbi kokukhona uya kufumana ukusuka kumdlali welinye icala. Ngenxa yoko, isigqibo ukugcina usapho kubonakala kuye ichanileyo yaye kuphela ekunene. Kakade ke, ukuthembakala indoda akayi kubuyiselwa iintsuku eziliqela okanye iinyanga. Kodwa apha unako ukunceda ndwendwela yezengqondo usapho, ukufunda iincwadi ezizodwa okanye ukuthenga iintetho ezirekhodiweyo. Uya kumangaliswa ukwazi indlela abafazi abaninzi ujongene nengxaki efanayo. Ngayinye yayisabela umbuzo nimkholelwe indoda yakhe emva mbandela, wafumana indlela ukuxolela indoda yakhe.

Indlela yokusinda ukungcatshwa indoda yakhe: icebiso psychological

Ngamafuphi, singatsho kakuhle ukuba ukungcatshwa - akukho nto ekupheleni ubudlelwane. Ngokutsho manani, iintsapho ezininzi ziye ngakumbi kwaye ezingqongqo ndingcatshiwe. Ukuze ugcine ndawonye usapho sayifumana ngokwabo, iisayikholojisti bacetyiswa ukuba ukuphulaphula ngenyameko ezi zincomo zilandelayo:

• Yiba amadoda uzolile sizithembile engenako ukumelana iinyembezi kunye eba nobundlobongela;
• uhlalutye iqabane iintshukumisa leyo wamtyhala ukutshintsha;
• isixhobo yakho ephambili kumlo eyimbangi - ingqiqo uburharha, umfazi usoloko ngaphandle ukhuphiswano;
• vyplesnite yonke kahle babo, kodwa xa umfazi ayikho ngeenxa zonke;
• angamxoleli umyeni wakhe, nokuba ugqibe ukuba ahlukane nayo, ukukwazi ukuxolela lula umphefumlo wenze womelele;
• Bakwazi ukuthatha uxanduva isigqibo (ukuba ugcine usapho, ngoko ngaphandle icala iqabane);
• ukucela uncedo kumyeni wayo ukoyisa izikhalazo (umntu usoloko unqwenela ukuba knight kwaye siya kwenza konke okusemandleni ukuze ukubuyisa isithunzi yakho);
• Maluphuculwe njengomfazi (yonke imihla bazama ukuba ngcono kunaye izolo);
• ukufunda ukuphulaphula esebenzayo neqabane (hayi unqwale nje yaye bayavumelana nomyeni wam, kodwa ngokwenene ucinga iingxaki zakhe kunye neengxaki).

Yiba ngaphezu meko, uze ukukopela akayi kuba element mnye, nto ngephanyazo ukuze atshabalalise isiseko usapho lwakho ezakhiwe ngenyameko.