Ukungabikho ingxabano - uphawu ubudlelwane kutshabalala?

Sonke siyazi ukuba uxabana rhoqo nokungqubana kukhokelela ekutshatyalalisweni mitshato. Kodwa kuthekani ukuba kukho ngoluvo bencokola? Kuthekani ukuba ubuhlobo Isenokwaphuka ngenxa yokunqongophala ingxabano phakathi kwendoda nomfazi?

ratio omlingo

Doktor Dzhon M. Gottman i kwengqondo onelayisensi. Kuba amashumi eminyaka, iingcali ukufunda uzinzo lobudlelwane entsapho. Aziwa ngokuba bafumanisa i "ratio magic" lamaqabane ezintle kunye nonxibelelwano elibi, nto leyo 5 ukuya 1. Ngamanye amazwi, kwimeko bemanyene ngokwenene yaye ngokuqhubekayo, ngalinye zincitshiswe isiganeko thabatha ezintlanu ezintle.

Kwezinye iimeko, le ingxabano kunokuba luncedo?

hlakalo ezininzi kakhulu ulichitha ubudlelwane. Le self-kubonakala inyaniso. Noko ke, ngokutsho kwithiyori uGqirha Gottman, ukunqongophala izoyikiso nako kube ngumqondiso umtshato lutho. Ukufumana imali kangangoko phakathi iimvakalelo iphambene malunga imbono non-yemveli nentsapho yakhe. iingcali namhlanje Wethu bathi akhona izoyikiso, ukuba usukelo lwakho kukwenza ukwakha ubuhlobo bomelele yaye ixesha elide.

Negative kudlala indima ebalulekileyo kwezinye nemisebenzi prosocial

Ukuba onoku- baba sifuna, uhlobo akuyi ukudala kuzo. Kufuneka balance kuphela ulonwabo, kodwa ukudala amava - injini inkqubela yabantu. sizive sikhathazekile zidlala indima ebalulekileyo kwezinye kwimisebenzi prosocial. Sithetha malunga nokukhethwa impefumlelwano kwezikim ukuba azisebenzi kwakunye ukuba okukhuthaza nemizwa yothando. Kwimeko yokuqala, ngokusekelwe ezibuhlungu abantu baqonde oko iintshukumo kufuneka kuphetshwe kwixesha elizayo. Kwimeko yesibini, akukho mfuneko ukunika uthando kufa. Abaninzi kuthi baye baliva esithi: "Emva kokuba nesizathu esinamandla kuza xo rapid". Partners ongazange lwisani, ukungabikho inki kwi ubuhlobo. Ngenxa yoko, izibini ezitshatileyo musa ukuba zenze imfazwe kwi izoyikiso ebomini babo. Ngokwahlukileyo koko, ubomi nobunzima-free kunye neengxabano kuba isimo buthuntu kwaza engenabomi.

Ingxabano kunceda ukuziqhelanisa nolu tshintsho

UGqr Gottman ingcamango kukuba amaqabane bakwazi ukubonelela ezinye ingxelo nganye okulungisa. Isibakala sokuba ihlabathi elisingqongileyo esoloko itshintsha, yaye simele abasabela ngayo. Amelana yeyona ezilungele le njongo. Ngoko ke amaqabane ungafundi kuphela nokuchuma nokuhlala kwiimeko ezintsha, kodwa sihlale "neembono ezifanayo."

Xa isixa mgangathweni

Siyaqhubeka ukuchonga iimpawu umtshato ogqibeleleyo. Siye kwakhona i "ratio magic" iimvakalelo kumtshato ivumelane ne wafumanisa ukuba amaqabane ngamnye ingxabano kufuneka 'sisebenze ngaphandle "kwi elilingana ngesondo ezintlanu. Ukongeza kwinani iingxabano, akanako izaphulelo kunye nomgangatho (njani ugonyamelo exabana elide). ugqirha Gottman noogxa ngexesha eksperimenti yazo ukuba zeenkcuba ecaphukile yayingabancedi enyangayo ezifana imfazwe nogonyamelo ngokweemvakalelo kakhulu nabo. Ngenxa yoko, ukungabikho kukwanekwa ezingentle ngquzulwano ekugqibeleni yabangela ukuba uthandabuze na isiphumo emihle. Kuye kwafunyaniswa ukuba ngababini ngokuzolileyo eziphikisanayo ephawulwe ukunqongophala uthando, umdla esebenzayo, ukuzeyisa isigqebelo, imincili, uvuyo, inkxaso kunye novelwano.

Ngokwahlukileyo koko, ulwalamano ezingazinzanga kunye nokulwa elide azisoloko kungakhokelela komsipha. Partners kule Alliance phezu kwezinye iziphumo zempilo. Kwaye le impembelelo alusoloko positive. Enye into ecacileyo: lo sokubambisana kungakhokelela uzinzo, ukuba amahlakani ziya kuqwalasela "ratio umlingo" yaye iya kusebenza ekudaleni indawo evumayo ekomelezeni intsebenziswano entle.

Le ratio kufanelekile ishishini

Exakayo, i "umlinganiselo magic" ka-5 ukuya ku-1 kusebenza ukuze ishishini. Uphononongo lubonise ukuba iinkokeli kakhulu kuzo zonke ukugxeka abangaphantsi shiya umlinganiselo 5.6 izimvo ezakhayo. Njengoko ubona, inxalenye encinane emibi yinxalenye ebalulekileyo yonke inkqubo. Okokuqala, lo ukugxekwa (kwaye ingxabano) kukutsala ingqalelo. Okwesibini, i ingxelo engentle likhusela ngokuchaseneyo umxakatho.